:: Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club ::

:: Tuesday, February 07, 2006 ::

second chances

So to sum up, the girl who needed to get her mind "right" by being on her own decides after two weeks that she'd made a horrible mistake. She'd realized that she was tired of living her life listening to the opinions of everybody else and that she'd finally found something that she wanted - me.

Things didn't end badly with her. I understood why she felt she needed to be alone - I even genuinely encouraged it before anything even happened between us. Nonetheless, we began dating not long after she'd just ended a 4 year relationship. At the time I knew better than to get involved with someone who might possibly be on the rebound, but sometimes life just happens.

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I felt like she was abandoning me when I needed her most. Now I'm in the peculiar position of having her come back to me. But these past two weeks of being single again have lent me time to sort of move-on and have allowed my heart to become lukewarm. After informing her that I'd began to question my trust and confidence in her after she'd left me and that I was no longer certain about the "us getting back together in the future" part as a result, she said she half-expected me to say that. But that she'd do whatever it took to regain my trust because that's how much she'd realized I meant to her. Apparently, she'd been frightened by how fast things were moving between us and the scary part was not so much the speed with which things were moving, but rather that she'd embraced it fully. Consquently, it scared her that she'd never let herself become so vulnerable with anyone like that. Ever. And it made her feel guilty as though she was somehow betraying her ex by having moved on so quickly. And if there's anybody out there that can empathize with how her ex must feel upon losing her, it's me.

So here I am. I've got a girl who claims she's done appeasing her pseudo-friends who were also friends of her ex, done with fearing abandonment, finished with fighting the sense of vulnerability when she's around me, and ready to give wholeheartedly if I would only give her another chance.

I still have feelings for her, but I'm afraid I'll always be looking over my shoulder for the next time she changes her mind and leaves me again. But the potential for something great is still there, I think.

Any advice?

PS. Shout out to my persian for hookin' up all 3 albums to the left. Say 'NO' to pirated music. Don't let the terrorists win!

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