:: Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club ::

:: Sunday, March 27, 2005 ::

observations: buenos aires


Fashion
a) Buenos Aires is a very fashion forward city.
b) Hardly anybody wears shorts.
c) Women wear their pants so tight that the camel toe factor is in full effect
d) The slits on most female tango dancers´ skirts run super high, exposing their underwear (or ¨panties¨ to us perverts).

Nightlife
a) Clubbing. Aside from the Tango and other Latin dances, Argentines don't dance very well.

b) Like Barcelona, people don't begin to ARRIVE to the clubs until around 2am.

c) The Clubs. Only went to 2 clubs during my stay: Club 69 and Opera Bay. I happened to go to the former on its first night re-opening since The Incident a few months back. For those of you unfamiliar, there was a massive fire that killed some twenty-odd people forcing all the clubs in BA to shut down so officials could reevaluate the compliance with fire safety precautions.

So this reopening was apparently huge as we were in a line spanning 2 blocks long. Inside it was nothing impressive here, aside from the seriously disgusting s&m acts being performed onstage. I'm not really one for gimmicky stage acts at bigger clubs to begin with, but their lineup was absurd. Lots of gender-tricky people dressed in Mike Meyers circa "Sprockets!" outfits gyrating just like they did on the old SNL skit. The absolute shits was when they had this 4'10" chick dressed in a pink wig and trashy lingerie ,pretending like she was going down on one of the Sprockets! dancers as well as getting down on all hooves and going through the motions like she was getting double-vagina, double-anal penetration by the ambiguously gay duo behind her. The highlight came when some poor fuck had to pick her up (she was only 4'10", but she looked like she weighed a good 180 lbs), her legs straddling his hips, and swing her around in a circle while she rubbed her crotch. No joke. Anyway, this place was supposed to be a local favourite but I wasn't impressed.

Opera Bay on the other hand was a visual masterpiece. The outside is modeled after the Sydney Opera House and was most impressive. You could easily get lost inside as the place was simply MASSIVE. Probably the largest and nicest club i've ever seen - and that includes anything NY or LA has to offer. There were roughly 8 rooms/lounge areas, each with their own separate dj and tv monitors. They played everything from house, funk, and electronica to hip-hop and rock. Although there are apparently quite a few tourists that frequent this place, the majority of people are definitely argentines and may I add that the women were simply incredible. Attractive women who would probably rate 9's anywhere else were probably knocked down to a 6 rating because the curve was mind-blowing. Of course, what clubbing story would be complete without my mentioning my dancing. You KNOW I busted my shit out on the dancefloor to the first funk beat that hit the speakers and I will happily admit I turned more than a few heads in my area. This one german chick was all up on my nutz because of it, too. Wanted to learn the old hat trick and everything. Haha. So modest. Like my boy Dan can attest: I will bust my shit out any time, anywhere, with absolutely no comprehension of the word "shame". Holler!

the people
a) my experience has been nothing but positive. Argentines are a very kind and hard-working people. It's unfortunate that with the economy collapsing a couple years ago that many people are out of jobs.

b) Cabbies here are worse than their counterparts in nyc. Must be a common international theme.

c) Even middle-aged women here take care of themselves very well. They're almost all in shape and dress very fashionably. A couple of times I mistook a woman in her late 30s to be a young twenty-something.

miscellaneous
a) Cigarettes cost on average 4 pesos/pack. That's roughly $1.33 US. It's no wonder everybody smokes here. Everybody. There are 11 year olds puffing away while waiting in line for a subway token.

b) Literally translated, Buenos Aires means "good air". It got its name from the Spaniards who colonized Argentina due to the remarkably good sail winds off its coast. Ironically, current Buenos Aires does not hold true to its namesake. The air quality is quite bad here with all the old buses and cars.

On a sidenote, as I type this at around 1am in an internet cafe near my hotel, i am looking around the room only to discover that all the patrons are men. Upon further investigation (a simple tilting of the head), it´s become blatantly apparent that all the horn dogs come to internet cafes to quietly jerk off to porn sites. Dude was just on something like ¨Sexologica.com¨, then when he saw me staring at his screen he quickly hit alt-F4, the emergency eject buttons for escaping an embarassing porn moment. The idea of eating an empanada while using this keyboard is suddenly making me lose my appetite. Enough internetting at jerk-off cafes. I'm off to sleep.


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To cap off a particularly lengthy entry, I just want to close by mentioning I saw the new Beck video "e-pro" while at my hotel and was most impressed. Ordinarily I think music videos are all so generic, but once in a while you see something different. It's visually orgasmic!

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