:: Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club ::

:: Wednesday, April 07, 2004 ::

Donkey Kong, Jr.

I guess I'm just rambling now in order to avoid getting back to my studies. So that's why I'll share with you the story of the time I peed my pants while playing Donkey Kong, Junior.

I was about five years old and my father's business at that time carried a few arcade games - most notably Donkey Kong, Junior. Although I don't play video games much these days, at five I was considered a prodigy among my peers. The Golden Child, if you will. My father would rarely give me money to play these games, however, since he discouraged such brainless activities. Needless to say, when I did get to play it was the fucking shit. One time my dad's friend, whom we called "Mr. Violin" because he was a professional violin player (crazy Koreans and their nicknames), was visiting and I took advantage of this by politely asking him for a quarter to play a game. Despite my parents' heed, he couldn't resist my 5-year old charm and ultimatley staked my entry into video game englightenment. Ahh... once again it was time to take that bitch-ass Mario to school!

Well... about ten minutes into the game I suddenly realized I had to go pee. I mean really bad. I still had all my lives (i told you i was a prodigy) so I couldn't just walk away from a perfect game. Fifteen minutes into the game I think I invented a new dance by taking turns hopping on one leg to squeeze in the pee. I'm pretty sure it went on to be called "The Running Man" by the late 80's. Customers, upon walking in, would notice this little oriental boy practically having a seizure in front of a video game. My parents were yelling at me to go to the bathroom, but did I listen? No. I was a stubborn little kid. Video games meant more to me than avoiding public humiliation. Twenty minutes into the game it was game overs, and I'm not talking about Donkey Kong, Junior. At roughly the twentieth minute, warm urine was running down my leg and was soaking through my Bugle Boys. I just stood there like an idiot, staring at my mom. Of course, despite all this I was still mindful of where little Donkey Kong was in relation to Mario's henchmen, AND, I still hadn't died once (what can I say - The Force lived in me).

Then came the tears.

I started bawling like a little bitch. Why? Because I just pissed my pants, I don't know why. It's funny how often kids cry because they don't know how else to react emotionally. When you're a child, you seem only able to express yourself in 3 essential ways: laughing, tantrums, and crying. Go figure. So finally Mr. Violin insisted on taking me to the bathroom to clean me up, but I resisted, tears and all, in order to continue playing now that the situation had taken care of itself (man, I was a sick kid). But eventually his persistence won and I went with him to get myself cleaned up. The water works were still in full effect, mind you. But upon coming out of the bathroom, he gave me a shiny new quarter to play again. And how did I react? I laughed like a little 'tard and bolted over to start the whole thing over again, wet pants and all.

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