:: Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club ::

:: Sunday, May 11, 2003 ::

do you think you're better off alone?

i was thinking about my ex's upcoming graduation from law school and how i won't be attending since i no longer make myself available to talk with her. funny seeing how the same thing happened in undergrad. anyway, i got to thinking about my ex's and how they've exited my life just as abruptly as they entered it. but this entry is about more than simply lost loves. it goes much deeper than that. it's about identity. it's sad to think that no one can ever really know you in this lifetime. not your closest friends, not the love in your life, and not even mom and/or dad. what it boils down to is this:

we are the only ones that can ever fully know ourselves.

it's a scary thought.

i liken it to being forced to live in a pitch-dark cave with strangers and having no ability to speak or see; no significant way of communicating what we feel (other than touch, which is also with its limitations). have you ever had that dream where something terrible is about to happen and you open your mouth to scream at the top of your lungs, but nothing comes out? in a way, it's also kinda like that. too bad we all don't have E.T.-like powers where we can feel/understand everything that someone else is going through by the simple meeting of the fingers. could you imagine such a world? at the very least, there would probably be a lot more compassion among our fellow man, which would likely result in less bloodshed and senseless wars. what a beautiful thought.

what i'm trying to say is...
the person we should spend the most time getting to know is ourselves. because...well, because we're the only ones who have a legitimate shot at it. In addition, i believe it will help us foster better relationships with those around us. Moreover, we might be surprised as to what we find out.

goodnight.

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alone again, naturally (gilbert o'sullivan)

In a little while from now,
If I'm not feeling any less sour,
I promised myself, to treat myself,
And visit a nearby tower ...
And climbing to the top,
will throw myself off,
In an effort to, make clear to whoever,
What it's like when you're shattered ...
Left standing in the lurch,
At a church where people saying ...
My God, that's tough, she stood him up,
No point in us remaining ...
May as well go home,
As I did on my own,
Alone again, naturally.

To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and gay.
Looking forward to-
Who wouldn’t do- the role I was about to play.
but, as if to knock me down,
Reality came around,
And without so much as a mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces.
Leaving me to doubt, Talk about God and His mercy,
Who, if He really does exist,
Why did He desert me?
And in my hour of need,
I truly am, indeed...
Alone again, naturally.

It seems to me that there are more hearts,
Broken in the world that can’t be mended,
Left unattended, what do we do?
What do we do?

Looking back over the years,
And whatever else that appears.
I remember I cried when my father died,
Never wishing to hide the tears.
And at sixty-five years old,
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn’t understand why the only man,
She had ever loved had been taken.
Leaving her to start, with a heart so badly broken,
Despite encouragement from me,
No words were ever spoken.
And when she passed away,
I cried and cried all day,
Alone again, naturally ...
Alone again ................................. naturally

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