:: Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club ::

:: Wednesday, April 02, 2003 ::

richard simmons' deal-a-meal

today marks the beginning of a strict 3-week diet that my friend travis has put me on. last week i decided i had enough of feeling sluggish and 12 lbs overweight, so i went to him last week for some help. it hasn't even been a day and i'm already sick of the tasteless stuff i'm eating. But the worst was breakfast. I am required to eat 1.5 cups of plain oatmeal - not the instant kind. With no sugar allowed, it just felt like i was eating soaked newspapers. I don't even think kids in orphanages are forced to eat that stuff; something about cruel & unusual punishment.

and i have to drink my body weight in water... EVERY DAY! by mid-afternoon i had consumed almost 2 liters of water. every twenty minutes i was getting up during the middle of property and having to piss. soon as i sat back down, i'd be up again. this is ridiculous. for instance, every day we get a 10 minute break in property to stretch, go to the bathroom, get coffee, etc. during that 10 minute span today, i went to the bathroom three times. THREE TIMES IN 10 MINUTES?!! Sweet Jesus.

another thing is that i have to give up the sauce. i have been drinking a lot lately and unfortunately that's probably a main contributor to the mini-gut that i'm now trying to shed. i was a little miffed as i walked into my apartment today and realized that i just opened a perfectly good bottle of red the other night and now it'll just have to go to waste.

i was definitely the freak show during lunch today. as i sat down, everyone commented on how surprised they were that i brought my own lunch. they're accustomed to seeing me order the deep fried chicken fingers with a side of curly fries, and a diet soda to bring balance to the meal. hehe. or it'd be a slice of cheese or two along with a nice bowl of soup. but today, you wouldn't even recognize my meal - the pathetic 4 oz. chicken breast i had for lunch was drowning in salsa. Needless to say all my food lacks any flavor, however, i am allowed to use condiments with no significant caloric value (i.e. mustard, ketchup, salsa, lime juice, salt, pepper). F that shit. i'm tearin' the system a new A! then the endless questions... "why are you on a diet?" "what are you eating?" "is that ALL that you're having?" "hey fatso, pass the mustard!" as tiring as it was repeatedly explaining to everyone at the table that i'm on a diet, it was even harder to ignore the familiar smells of greasy food. the pizzas, the chicken fingers with bbq sauce...the list goes on. Andy's ass happens to bring a salami, turkey, and mortadella hoagie, a "side" of chicken fingers, and home-made fudge to the table and plops down right beside me. i was about to knock that bitch out and take his hoagie hostage. *did you guys just see that pink elephant walk by?* whoa. that was weird.

Despite all the complaining I really appreciate all the time he put into this regimen. Thanks, trav.

We'll see how it goes for the rest of the week.

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