:: Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club ::

:: Friday, February 07, 2003 ::

honestly

It's one of those nights. Feeling so restless. Lately i've been thinking about how shallow some of my relationships have been with people out here.
At first i just thought it was the novelty of meeting new people - you know, just slowly getting to know one another. But it's not that.
I think new yorkers (and i am generalizing) tend to be a bit more on the defensive about opening up. Perhaps it's that, or it could be that the people
i'm meeting are just empty shells with legs. Soul-less creatures, doomed to wander the earth with little or no purpose(s) other than to consume, defacate and reproduce.

Or maybe it's me. Perhaps my expectations of people are too high. I think i might be dysfunctional when it comes to maintaining relationships with people
over long periods of time, unless there's a special bond. I attribute part of this to my mild form of ADD and my never-ending desire to see new things and new places. I'm always craving new experiences, but oftentimes it can be to the detriment of keeping the friends i've made along the way.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to talk, mad to live, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn like fabulous yellow roman candles..."

This is one of my favorite quotes from Kerouac. I think it says a lot about the type of person i am and what it is i seek in others.
After all, who wants to settle for being just "normal"?

Normal people scare me.

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